Do you struggle to say what you mean?
When someone does something that upsets or annoys you do you decide to keep quiet for fear that they’ll get upset or angry at you?
Do you let resentment build up to the point where you just snap, say something you don’t mean and get stuck in an argument you never wanted to have?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions you may benefit from my quick and easy to remember assertiveness hack called the WIN technique. It aims to help you to express yourself in the clearest and most respectful way, giving you the best chance of getting your message across without it getting lost in translation.
The WIN technique is a three step process represented by the letters W, I and N. Let’s take a look:
W - When You…
I - I Feel…
N - Next Time Can You or Can We…
Let’s put this into practice. Let’s say that you feel annoyed by a friend who is always late. Using the WIN technique you could say: “When you are late I feel frustrated, next time can you please let me know you’re running behind schedule so I can leave the house later too.”
While the WIN technique doesn’t guarantee that the other person will take on board your feedback or change their behaviour, it does allow you to talk about what you need in a way that is mutually respectful. It can help you organise your scattered or confused thoughts so your message is clearer and easier to understand.
Remember: when you’re feeling stuck and you’re not sure what to say WIN with assertiveness.